Positives and Negatives in Relationships


Anyone who has been in a relationship for a period of time can tell you that there are ups and downs. Sometimes you drift apart and then drift closer. In relationships where one or both partners are unhappy, there is a tendency to focus on the negative and not the positive. There is also a tendency to see negative qualities as huge issues that are detrimental to the relationship and to minimize positive words or behaviors. Partners may think ” he’s just saying that because he knows he should” or ” she gave me a kiss but I know she didn’t really mean it.” To change your attitude regarding your partner, you must change your way of thinking. That process starts with yourself.

Here is a simple way to help your brain start to think in a more positive direction. Every time you see a negative quality in your partner, try and see that same negative quality in yourself. If you feel your partner whines about their job too much, think about how much you whine and complain about your job, your sister, your lack of sleep, etc. On the flip side, every time you see something positive in your partner, think about things that you have said or done that represent that same quality. When you see your partner pick something up that someone else has dropped in the grocery store, think about the last time that you helped out someone else. The more you look for and are present in the positive, the more positive you will see, and the better you will feel (about yourself and in your relationship.)

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